Why I distanced myself from others.

Not about I dislike or I have any problems with them, but yeah that also counts. I might have a problem with them but that’s not the only reason. Sometimes I just feel like it’s not where I belong to that group of people I feel like I don’t fit in. I feel like I’m not enough for them, not enough to hang out or to be around them, and sometimes I feel like that they are the one who’s not enough for me. It’s like my mind was telling me that they have no place, no right to stand next to me at all.

I don’t know if it’s them or me but I never wanted the answer, I chose the solution instead. Instead of trying to figure out what’s the reason, I chose to stay away from them instead. Between me and them, we’re still friends but in any fun time or any occasion, you wouldn’t find me there. It’s not that bad to keep your distance or to isolate yourself from them. It teaches you a lot, what it’s like to be alone, what it’s like to solve a problem on your own, and the most important thing is it teaches you to stand strong on your own. But not everything is good. Even sometimes I cry silently for help but no one came because they never heard it. I never asked for help from anyone, my problem just seems to solve by itself. That’s when I realize that I’m enough to stay alone, I’m enough to walk this road on my own.

Even in a relationship, I would preferred a long distance relationship over a face-to-face. It’s not that I don’t want to be with them or anything, it just I don’t know if I’m good enough to be with them. I love them, but I myself don’t even know who I am, so why do I have the right to love them? Even my friend, they would still want me to be around them (hopefully) but I don’t have the urge to be like that.

To all my friends and lovers, it’s not that you’re wrong or you’re not good enough, it’s me. I chose to distance myself from you not because I don’t like you. It’s because I know that I’m not good enough for you to like me. But to the people that I hate, I don’t have to stay away from you, you won’t even have the urge to look at me in the eye. Because to me, you are never enough, not enough but lower than that.

#prokprach

30/06/2019